


Death 1100 (This Course is Mandatory for Completion of Life)

by masked



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Death, Deathfic, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Post Season 8, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-08
Updated: 2013-09-08
Packaged: 2017-12-26 00:40:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/959512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/masked/pseuds/masked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel chooses to succumb to his guilt and tries to repent. Instead, he is given a lesson by Death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Death 1100 (This Course is Mandatory for Completion of Life)

**Author's Note:**

> **Trigger warning:** It's implied that a major character has committed suicide. The plot revolves around this, so there are many mentions of suicide throughout the story.

He is greeted by Death. 

"Castiel," He says, a faint trace of disapproval lining his voice.

"Death," Castiel replies in turn. "I had thought I would be reaped by one of the reapers."

Death agrees. "I've been asked specially by your Father to greet you personally."

"God?" Castiel echoes. "God told you to reap me?"

" _Asked_ , Castiel."

"But... why?"

"I've been asked to give you a lesson before I take you away," He says dryly.

"A lesson?" Castiel frowns, almost offended. "He's been missing for centuries and He thinks he can give me _life lessons?_ " He barks out a harsh laughter, ripped out of his chest. "Please tell my Father that He's a little too late."

Death does not reply, and instead says, "Walk with me."

And so Castiel follows.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

"Just take me, please," Castiel says, already understanding why they're here. "I don't-"

"Shut up, Castiel," Death replies, not unkindly. "And watch."

Castiel wants to shut his - formerly Jimmy's, another ruined by him - eyes, but he can't. He wishes to block out the sounds, but he can't do that either. 

Anything but this.

"Dean, let's just-" Sam runs his fingers through his hair, a sign that shows he's distressed. His eyes are red-rimmed. "We have to treat this as any other hunt. You know we can't get-"

"I'm not hearing any of that 'emotional bullcrap'. Not now," Dean spits out in reply as he paces around the library of Men of Letter's bunker. "I don't fucking care. Just find the bastard."

"Dean-"

"Find him."

Dean storms out of the room. Sam sighs again and shuts his eyes against the blaring laptop monitor. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

Dean is alone in his room. He sits on the corner of his bed, holding a crumpled letter in his hand. Castiel does not need to read it to know that it describes Castiel's guilt of being responsible for casting the angels out, of failing Heaven and the Winchesters. It also speaks of his gratitude and apologies.

Dean now holds it in his hand and cries.

"Death, please," Castiel begs again. Right now, he is not sure what it is he begs for.

"What is it, Castiel?"

"I understand, so please. Just take me."

"Do you really? Understand?" Death finally turns his gaze back to Castiel. "You wanted to repent for your mistakes. As far as He concerns, this is the one real mistake you've made. So _keep to your words_."

Castiel has no reply.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

"He was trying to _save_ you fuckers," Dean growls out. 

"You think that makes any difference on what he's done?" The angel says, just as angry. "All I did was tell him the truth."

"It was Metatron," Sam says, his hand gripping tightly on the angel blade. "It was Metatron, and Cas was trying to do good-"

"We didn't _need_ saving," He replies bitterly.

"Enough talking," Dean says, lights a match and drops it to the ground. At the slightest of touch, the holy oil burns in a straight line, trapping the angel and Dean into the corner of the alleyway. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The angel demands, his eyes wearily watching Dean pull out another angel blade from his jacket. He sheds his own blade from beneath his sleeve. "I've heard of you but I didn't actually think you would be so _stupid_ as to voluntarily trap yourself with an angel." 

Dean smiles, a half-crazed look in his eyes. "Package deal, buddy. Angel comes with two hunters."

Sam watches silently from behind the line of fire as Dean slowly descends on the angel who Castiel had encountered few hours before his death. Few blows are exchanged between the two, and Sam shuts his eyes against the blinding light as the Grace explodes. 

Dean pulls out the blade from the angel's chest as Sam puts the fire out. Dean wipes the blood off the blade as he walks away from the limp body. 

"Let's go," Dean mutters as he walks past Sam. He eyes the body one last time before dropping into the passenger seat of the Impala.

They don't say anything else for the rest of the ride.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

They stare at the body on the bed without moving. He almost looks as if he is merely sleeping. A touch against his cold skin tells another story.

They're both not sure how long they stay in Castiel's former room, staring at him in silence. Finally, Sam speaks.

"We should," he chokes on his words and almost decides he doesn't want to say it out loud and acknowledge it. His eyes flutters shut and clears his throat. He tries again. "We should burn the body. Give him a hunter's funeral."

Dean nods once, his eyes not leaving Castiel's face. Or Jimmy's face. He isn't really sure anymore. 

"D'you think we should try to..." Dean trails off, not really sure how he could finish the sentence. What's dead should stay dead, and yet.

Sam understands anyway. He lowers his gaze back to Castiel's body. "He chose this, Dean," He replies. He regrets the choice of his words almost immediately. "I don't mean-"

"No, you're right," Dean says, almost inaudible. "He always leaves, doesn't he?"

Castiel watches from a distance, unable to stomach the scene. 

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

They burn his body the next morning. The silence remains except for the crackling of the fire.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

Dean drinks. Sam doesn't talk. 

It goes on.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

Sam finds a case three weeks after the funeral. A nest of vampires feeding on local folks. They decide to head out first thing in the morning.

He wakes up the next day to find Dean gone, along with the Impala. He tries to reach him to no avail. He tracks him down and heads towards him. He leaves voice messages on the way, asking him not to do anything reckless. 

He finds him at a motel after two days' of travel with four hours of sleep, bloodied and bruised.

"Dean, what the hell?" Sam accuses angrily. "That was a _nest_ of vamps by yourself. You could've been killed."

"Hey, another day on the job."

"There's a difference between going into a giant nest of vamps by yourself and having support. This was a suicide mission, Dean." 

Dean looks up from his duffle bag at the statement. "So?"

Castiel's heart sinks.

Sam looks baffled, and then angry. "Dean-"

"When Jess died, you were the same." It is a low blow and they both know it.

"I wasn't _suicidal_. All I wanted was revenge and we _got_ that. We killed the angel who drove Cas to it, didn't we?"

"Right," Dean laughs bitterly. Castiel wants to shut himself away from it.

"You can't do this," Sam begs. "Cas wouldn't have wanted-"

"Cas is dead, Sam," Dean says flatly. "He doesn't give two shit about what I do with my life any more than the next person."

He walks out of the room, leaving Sam rigid in the middle of the room. Sam follows soon after.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

"What is he doing?" Castiel asks as they watch Dean drive into a china town. "Where is this?"

"Watch, Castiel," Death replies. "You can only. Watch."

Dean walks all the way to the back of the store without hesitation and meets Dr. Robert. He hands him a wad of cash, and soon lies himself down on the bed.

"I gotta say, Dean, I think you're my most frequent patient yet," Dr. Robert says as he measures the liquid into the syringe. 

Dean hands him an envelope, Sam's name and the address of the third motel on the local phone book near the bunker scrawled on. "If I don't make it back, could you mail this for me?"

"Sure, sure," Dr. Robert replies with ease. "Remember Dean, 3 minutes." He injects the liquid into the IV.

Castiel feels the shift around Dean. He watches in horror as Dean watches his own body from beyond the curtain. "Dean?" he hesitantly calls, almost afraid to reach out to test if he could touch, but Dean doesn't acknowledge his presence. He remembers Death's words and grits his teeth in frustration.

He follows Dean down the stairs. Dean recites few words and Tessa appears. She casts Castiel a quick, wary glance before turning her full attention back to Dean.

"One last time, Tessa. Please," Dean begs.

Tessa glares. "You-"

"Thank you, Tessa, that's enough." Death makes his presence known. Tessa bows her head slightly in respect. Dean turns around, his expression unreadable.

"Uh. Hi." Dean shifts his weight awkwardly. "Listen-"

"I'm assuming this is about your angel friend, Castiel," Death finishes.

Dean closes his mouth. "Yeah." He says.

"I am not making yet _another_ exception." 

"Look, I'm not..." Dean looks pained. "I'm not asking you to bring him back, alright? He chose this for himself."

"Death," Castiel begs. "Please, let me speak to him."

"Then what, Dean?" Death asks.

"Just, uh." Dean pauses. "Is he resting in peace? I know God has some sort of rule about burning in hell if you kill yourself or something-"

"I can't answer that," Death replies.

"Why the hell not?" Dean asks angrily.

"Don't take that tone with me, Dean. It's rude."

Dean visibly shrinks, his shoulders deflating. "Just. I just need to know if he's going to be alright. Please."

Death considers him for a moment. He speaks. "He will rest."

"So... he's not going to hell?"

"No, he will not." Death stands up and dusts off an invisible speck from his shoulder. "Now, I must be on my way. You may not appreciate it but I am a busy being."

"Uh, one more thing before you go."

Death turns around. He looks as if he's halfway considering if he should reap Dean right there and now, so Dean hurriedly asks, biting down his embarrassment. "Will I see him in Heaven after I die?"

Castiel's breath is punched out of his chest. 

"No," Death replies shortly. 

"No?" Dean hollowly echoes back.

"No," Death confirms. "Goodbye, Dean."

"What-"

Dean gasps back to life.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

"You should've let me talk to him," Castiel demands, knowing he has no rights to do so. "I should've-"

"Time to go, Castiel," Death says.

"Will he live to be happy? Will they be okay?"

Death turns, calm and collected. "I cannot answer you."

"But-"

"Castiel," Death interrupts. "You lost any privileges you had of finding out for yourself when you took your own life. You will never know because you decided death was more appropriate than living through your guilt. You cannot ever speak to them, have physical contact or have your presence acknowledged. You gave that all up willingly, Castiel, and frankly, you don't have my sympathies." Death pauses, and continues. "That is what death is. You and the Winchesters do have the tendencies to disrupt the natural order of things, but there is no going back. I had thought you would've understood after the first three times you've died, but clearly you didn't know of the full aftermath you were leaving behind you."

Castiel lowers his eyes in shame. "What will happen to me?" he asks.

"Had you stuck around for another few decades, you might have gained a soul and gone to heaven with Dean and Sam after death," He says, the explanation unnecessary. "You will join your dead brothers and sisters by the side of God."

"I..." Castiel stares at his hands. He closes his eyes.

"You will become part of God again," Death says. "Goodbye, Castiel."

Castiel ceases to exist.

Death stands for a second and takes a moment for himself. "What, exactly, were you expecting?" he asks, and walks away.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I need a hug after writing this.


End file.
